


Look the Part

by BlueMoonHound



Series: Finals ficlets series [6]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Ableism, Abuse, Angst, Bigotry & Prejudice, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Impostor Syndrome, Stream of Consciousness, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, Unreliable Narrator, War, internalized ableism, internalized higherarchical thinking, systemically encouraged self-hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28224813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMoonHound/pseuds/BlueMoonHound
Summary: She has spent a quarter of her life in the tower.She's been counting.(Bismuth was right.)
Relationships: Blue Diamond & Pink Diamond & White Diamond & Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe), Pearl | Pink Diamond's Pearl & Rose Quartz | Pink Diamond
Series: Finals ficlets series [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1205854
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Look the Part

**Author's Note:**

> suggested listening: Panic text by Patricia taxxon 
> 
> i am unashamed to always suggest patty taxxon music.
> 
> As per usual with my drabbles and ficlets, this piece is completely unbetaed, raw and fresh just for u.

White was there when she burst from the earth.

She’d been grabbed, wrenched free of the ashes of a planet she was new to, and examined.

“Why are you so small?”

“We are all flawed,” Yellow told her, later, not entirely paying attention to the other diamond. “All we can do is work to honor the aims of our flawless leader.”

Pink had believed her.

She was not good at being a leader.

Pink had always known that was what she was made for. She was here to rule, to guide, and to possess. That is all. She was not allowed to rule, though, and her guidance was forever inadequate. All she could do was possess. She wasn’t good at it.

And for the first few billion years, all she did was hurt people.

The tower is not a death sentence. There is a tiny window near the top of it, letting her gem have sunlight. The tower is not a death sentence. Pink lies on the floor of it and counts the hours. The days. The months and years.

She has spent a quarter of her lifetime in this tower. She’s been keeping track. She can’t stop doing things wrong. It’s all she ever has done. It’s all she ever will do, she’s come to realize.

They should have shattered her years ago.

“She’s half-baked,” She heard White saying. She heard White sigh. “You two are properly formed, even if you contain too many mineral deposits. She would have been a white diamond but she was planted too deep.”

“It’s not appropriate for her to have any control over the colonies, is it,” Yellow says.

“No. Of course not.”

Pearl is lithe and powerful. Pearl is unstoppable. Pearl teaches herself how to swordfight from books and organics who teach her. She practices on Rose’s shield. Pearl is flawless.

Pearl comes back from a lesson with her master teal-cheeked and happy. Rose thinks that maybe she is happier than she could have ever made her.

“Rose! We should practice. The next battle should not be long off!”

Rose was looking at the clouds, but now she is standing, her shield drawn. Now she is fighting.

Pearl is a dancer, and it works to her advantage.

Pink is not a leader.

She is a proxy.

Rose, rose is a leader. Rose is a _quartz_. Rose is a capable commander, able to tell her soldiers where they are going, how they should fight, when they should attack. Pink pretends that she is Rose. Pink makes Rose Quartzes in her own image, and then feels guilty about it. Pink listens to Garnet when Garnet tells her strategy and listens to Pearl when Pearl tells her about the new recruits and then she repeats that information and everyone listens to her.

They think she is the leader.

She couldn’t even make a colony right.

 _But it was wrong,_ she remembers. _It’s always wrong. Everything is always wrong, with the diamonds._

She’s still spent a quarter of her life in the tower.

A quarter of five billion years is not outweighed by a thousand spent on Earth.

Bismuth was right.

Rose feels ashamed but she’s never going to tell anyone what happened. That would be a scar on Bismuth’s legacy. It would be a threat Pearl would fight rather than protecting like she should. Bismuth was right, and she should have been dead from the second she burst out of Homeworld’s core, but instead she was in a bubble and Pink, Rose, was telling Garnet to lead the troops.

Garnet has a steely gaze and a warm one. Right now, she just looks tired.

Pearl asks her what is wrong. Rose tells her it’s nothing, and hopes that her lie cannot be seen on her face.

Blue seems to think she knows how colonies should be.

Pink seems to think that she knows how they shouldn’t be. Of course, Pink is likely to believe herself. She wishes she could tell them no.

Instead, she talks to Pearl.

“It’ll be easy,” she says.

“It’ll be over,” she says.

Pearl listens.

Rose dreams of a world where she could be a good person.

**Author's Note:**

> just another vent.


End file.
